July 2, 2015

Top 10 things you can do to help a loved one in federal prison

This is the first in a series of 10 posts that I will write over the next few weeks. Each post will support the goal of helping to offer some ideas if you have a friend or loved one in prison and would like to do something to help them out. My prison advice and suggestions are based on what I am experiencing, as well as what I am seeing in the lives of my fellow inmates.

Confinement in prison is very hard for both the inmate and the inmate’s family, but there are definitely ways to help. Keeping family and friends together under these conditions tests the foundation in every imaginable way. Friendships that seemed strong ahead of the news that led up to these circumstances can quickly falter when brokenness emerges, while other friendships that may have grown distant over time can seemingly gain new strength in amazing ways. People can be surprising, and this entire experience is somewhat of a cleansing process in some respects. If you are inclined to reach out to help a loved one or friend along this journey, but need some specific ideas on what you can actually do, follow along on this blog for the next 10 posts for some suggestions that I offer in no particular order of importance.

If you want to experience something very rewarding that will benefit a whole group of people, including your incarcerated loved one or friend, take ownership of managing a “Book Club.” This activity will prove to be something from which all participants will find value and enjoyment. It will also strengthen relationships in unexpected ways. For your loved one or friend who is in prison, he or she will find exceptional value in this effort. In my case, my cousin has organized our “book club,” and the group consists of several family members so far. Working through the questions and then reviewing everyone’s answers is by far one of the highlights of my week. On Sunday’s, my cousin emails to the group 5 applicable questions per chapter which we can think about while reading the book. During the week, each person responds to her directly with their answers. We usually cover one or two chapters per week. Once she receives everyone’s responses by email, including mine from prison, she assembles all of the answers into one email summary and sends it out to the group. There is always room to bring additional topics or questions into the discussion as well. It sounds simple, but it is a thought inspiring experience beyond what I had imagined. I think we are learning as much about each other as we are about the book, and it is drawing us closer together as a group. I know its a lot of work for my cousin to manage this, but the impact on our relationships is really something special. Here are some tips from my perspective on how to make this happen, subject to your own needs:

 

  1. Find a group of people who are interested in participating. Try to organize a group that is large enough where if some people can’t get to the questions some weeks, you still have a decent number of people responding. I would suggest 6 or 8 people to start, but you could do it with any size group. Also, if some people want to work together as a couple, that works too.

 

  1. Start with a book that is a relatively easy read. We started with one that has some pretty heavy chapters, and working through an easier book the first go around could make it a little easier getting started. Your friend or loved one in prison may have access to the book you choose in the prison library, or they may need to have it sent in. Amazon is the best choice, or the prison may allow for them to receive paperback books mailed in directly from an individual. If you are a spiritual group, something along that line is an excellent choice. Books with a lot of meaning add to the experience, but a book that is fun works too. Experiment with the group to see what interests you. Switch it up as you go along.

 

  1. Send out the questions on the weekend and give the group until the following Sunday to respond. This gives everyone both weekdays and weekend days to keep up with the assignment.

 

  1. Try to think of questions that relate to the book, but that also cause people to reflect on their opinions and feelings. The answers will reveal many interesting things about people close to you that you may not have known.

 

  1. Once all of the answers are received, compile them into an email summary and send it back to the group. If some people can’t respond during certain weeks, give them a pass and encourage them to read it when they can and enjoy everyone else’s answers. Some people travel and others are just busy, so keep moving forward each week even if some people haven’t responded. For those who do keep up, you will likewise want to keep the process rolling to keep them interested. Remember, your friend or loved one in prison will begin to count on this every week. It will become part of their routine, which is very important for their journey.

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. Enjoy the interesting communication that this process opens up within your circle of friends and family.

Kevin Boardman

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