May 10, 2014
I have set many goals here and am right on target. That makes me feel really good. Unfortunately, prison life around FCI Petersburg looms around every corner and it’s impossible to mentally get away from it. At times the stress is overwhelming. I’m worried about several things. In order from highest priority: First and foremost are my 4 girls…My wife, my 2 daughters, and my 88-year-old grandmother. I am thankful all are reasonably healthy, but I just worry about them and miss them. I’m obviously focused on my ability to travel for work while I am on home confinement. Travel is essential to my business. Furthermore, I am sad about the summer I am missing away from my family. This camp is on the James River, so seeing boats water skiing by and people out for a cruise reminds me of what I am missing. But through those longings I am inspired to work harder. I am growing here, I think.
On weekends when I’m not at work, it can occasionally feel boring. But I made promises to never be bored, so when I am, I find a new productive activity. Once I get workout and reading in, I spend a lot of time writing letters and writing these journals. There are never enough journals or letters for me to write. I’m working my way into some new books as well.
Today, I got up around 6, went to breakfast, worked out, came back and read the paper, read about 80 pages of “Flags of Our Fathers” which chronicles the time the 6 men raised the flag at Iwo Jima, and then after a shower it was 11AM and went to lunch. Then what? I have to stay focused on reading and writing or else I will obsess over some of the things missing from my life.
After 75 days of this, I am getting better, but sometimes still fall into that obsessive trap. About 3 weeks ago, I began to compartmentalize as much as I could these things or similar things. I focus on one thing, then move to the next and so on. It’s easier said than done. Sometimes they all stack up and I need to take a deep breath. Once I settle down, I focus and get back to work. With each word I type I get closer to home.