April 9, 2014
Today I’m going to take a moment to write about the most important team I have ever been associated with, my family. I met my wife 10 years ago at a bar. We had a blast together and fell in love. She was very generous almost 8 years ago and let me marry her. Fast forward 5.5 years ago, she made my dreams come through birthing our first child, Caroline. Twelve weeks ago, she kept on and birthed our second child, Anne Getty. For 2 years I felt assured by the US Attorney that I would not go to prison. Then, the bomb dropped two days after my second daughter was born. I was going to prison. It was never a possibility, but it happened. I was going to prison.
I go to bed and wake up and spend all the time in between obsessing about my family. The pain I feel without them while I have been here in indescribable. The anxiety I feel every moment away from them distracts from my progress. I have a 12-week-old baby that cannot see grow up right now because of the mistake I made. I have a 5-year-old daughter that I cannot watch finish Pre School because of the mistake I made. I have my biggest, most loyal supporter and best friend, my wife away from me and we can’t communicate or and bond like we normally do. She gets no breaks and is new to the 2 kids thing. It is down right awful.
Despite my distractions from being away from my family, I am making major progress. I have had lots of time to reflect on my issues. As I said earlier, I met my wife at a bar…BAR. It’s ironic that a bar is one of my major issues. I owned a bar. I went to a bar. I made a bar the center of my attention. Either I went to my bar every night or when I did not have that, I went to other bars every night. In prison, I’ve come to understand (really understand) how destructive my behavior was. Going to bars occasionally and within moderation is more than okay. I abused and abused and abused them. I abused them to the point that they were to a degree the most important thing in my life. I wanted to be “the man” and did everything I could do to be “the man”. From buying everyone their drinks, to owning a bar etc. All I wanted to do is show off. Well, my showing off got me nowhere. What it did was distract me from the most important things in my life, my family. It hurt my family. I understand why. I get it. I showed where my priorities were.
Why on earth did I put my social life in front of my family? It does not make sense. From the outside looking in (which I am doing now), I understand how meaningless my social life was. As I sit here, I just cannot believe how I put everything in front of the most important people in my life. It’s unbelievable. There is not a penny in the world or a beer or a joint that is more important than my wife and 2 children. All I want to do is get out of here and be with my family. I have wasted so much time being distracted by other things when I could be with my family. I can’t hug my wife. I cannot hug my children. I am embarrassed and ashamed for them to see me here in a green outfit in prison. I don’t want that ingrained in their head. I didn’t realize what I had till I was stripped away from it. I am looking forward to coming home and focusing on the important things in my life.