Fear

October 5, 2014

Fear

Fear has been defined as FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

Anyone who has been stupid enough to place themselves in a position similar to mine will clearly experience fear. Fear of exposure, Fear of arrest, Fear of telling family and friends about your misdeeds, Fear of appearing in court, Fear of sentencing, and Fear of going to prison. I can tell you that I have experienced every level of fear over the past 16 months. I feel like I have my own fear factor show except I am the only contestant and I appear every week. The fear has been so acute at times that I could barely function. I wish I had a dollar for every sleepless night I have spent. What I have learned over the past 16 months is that FEARING some future event has been worse than the actual event. Hence, FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL.

I still have fear of future events. I worry how my Family will survive while I am away at Federal Prison Camp. They have been through so much over the past few years and it is Incomprehensible that I am putting them through more emotional and financial tragedy. This is one fear that will not disappear until I return to them.

The other fear I have is going to Federal Prison Camp. Again, I am hoping that the reality of prison camp will be better than my fearful expectations. Justin Paperny has shared his experiences in Federal Prison Camp with me and He has substantially lowered my fear factor. However, fear still remains! Once I get to Federal Prison Camp and settle in, I will revisit this topic and let everyone know if fearing Prison Camp is worse than the reality of Prison Camp.

I have a plan for the day I report. There is an old movie starring Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor called Stir Crazy. In the movie, they are wrongfully sentenced to prison and on the day they report they go through a hilarious scene where they are trying to act tough as they walk through the cell block on the way to their cells. I am going to try and keep that humorous image in the back of my mind on day one and hope it helps me deal with the intense anxiety I am sure I will be feeling!

Ken Flaska