August 28, 2014
I just spent the last 45 min. or longer on writing a blog entry for today and somehow this screwed up, faulty Jpay tablet of mine erased the entire thing. I'm just so frustrated right now, I need to take some deep breaths and calm down. Speaking of faulty things going haywire, this is what my whole entry was about in the first place. A friend pointed out to me the alarming fact that the fate of our future hangs within the balance of a possibly faulty urine cup or disdainful prison staff member. I hesitate even writing about this in the first place because the topic of me and substance abuse is the most fragile topic of them all, my addiction to substances is the very thing that led me to where I am today, five years in prison and a lifetime of pain for my family and I. To even mention that I'm concerned about a drug test coming back positive would surely instill doubt in my family. I myself wasn't worried until someone else pointed out a few viable concerns. In the past I've been drug tested a number of times on the streets and a number of times the test cups were faulty, having to take another test in a better cup. At any given day there is an average of 2,000 inmates here at Madison, that's 2,000 urine screens. I'm told through rumors that the lab is using dipsticks in the cup to test for drugs, so what if some of the 2,000 dipsticks are bad, what will they do; just mark it off as positive? What if one of the staff members has it out for me, contaminating my cup, or mixing it up with someone else's?... If I had a faulty cup or get found guilty for a drug screen, it wouldn't be me or the punishment I'm concerned with because I know I'm three years sober, no it's the devastation it would cause my family. There's no way they would believe some crazy story about a bad cup or staff member scorned, I have entirely too much history with drug addiction and a lifetime of golden excuses. At the end of the day, I can't really say that I'm too worried about this whole situation. I have faith that God will take care of me and reward me for the greater path in life that I have chosen over the last three and a half years.
