October 21, 2014
Nearly three weeks ago my lawyer told my parents that he convinced the warden to retest my original urine specimen. I'm not sure how much good it's going to do if they're running the same simple dipstick test that they ran before, if my medication is causing a false positive for marijuana, then it seems to me that they would get the same results, considering the fact that there's no marijuana in my system I have to hold on to the hope and possibility that the next test will clear me of this crap. Regardless of what the results maybe, I was told that it would only take up to one week for the results, three weeks have gone by and I still haven't heard a single word about my second test results, no guard or staff member has even told me that they are in fact running a second test, all I have to go on is what my parents told me the lawyer said. Every day I hear the phone ring at the guards desk I think it's going to be them telling the guards to release me from cell isolation. I know it's not healthy for me to be consumed by this whole ordeal and I'm trying very hard to keep my mind and body occupied with constructive things like studying horticulture, reading from my spiritual books, working out, running in place, writing, etc. It's just very difficult for me to redirect my thoughts when I'm currently serving a prison punishment for a rule I never broke. Giving my long dysthymic history of depression I would have to say I'm doing pretty good all considering. I continue to keep my priorities focused on my future after release from prison, my sobriety, health, education and preparations for the future are unwavering, I want nothing more than the best for children and family, I have no misconceptions about the importance of stabilizing my life in order to create a better future. This is just another one of many bumps in a long, bumpy road called life, the only difference is that I didn't create this pot hole I ran into, I'm just so used to dealing with the problems I created that I forgot to prepare myself for problems created by others. If anything, I've learned to be better prepared for dealing with life on life’s' terms, understanding that no matter how much effort I put into a successful life and future, unexpected things will occur, that's just life...
Steven Dybvad
