October 23, 2014
After all that's happened to me over this last month, I'm left with only one conclusion. God strategically placed a problem in my path as a true test, a test to see how I would deal with unexpected occurrences in life that is beyond my control. On one hand I think I did well, and on the other hand I think I failed miserably. I feel I passed this test in the sense that I didn't just lay down and accept this injustice by the prison that holds me, I continue to fight for what little rights I've earned as a ward of the state, taking every possible measure to make it clear that I've been sober and free of substances for well over three years now and I'm not okay with this undeserving mark on my once untarnished record. On the other hand I think I failed in the sense that I've become consumed by this bump in the road, allowing an unfortunate 'mishap' to derail me from the rest of my daily goals and routine. My goals for life and future remain the same, but I allowed myself to be sidetracked, hoping to win a fight against an unbeatable system. Being consumed by this predicament made it hard for me to concentrate on other things like focusing in horticulture class, I would find my mind wondering off, unable to remember what my teacher said, and reading from my spiritual books was just as difficult, unable to remember what I just read. Unfortunately soon after I was placed on cell isolation I slipped a disc in my lower back doing some yard work in horticulture, forcefully ripping plants from the ground, trying to alleviate some of my built up frustrations. My back was hurting so bad I could hardly move in the bed, let alone get out of it to go to chow; I could hardly sit in class for long without being in excruciating pain. Needless to say this stopped me from my strict daily exercise routine. Exercising has been my drug for some time now, giving me energy, improving my mental state, the release of endorphins from working out has made me feel happier, keeping my depression at bay, giving me the extra push I needed each day to attack the rest of my goals in life. The doctor gave me some miracle shot of cortisol that enabled me to at least get out of bed and move around easier. The doctor also gave me some back exercises to strengthen the muscles in my back and help the discs ease back in place. Slowly but surely I've been adding more workouts to my back exercises, feeling a little better each day. The more time that goes by, the more I'm starting to accept my current situation and make the best of it. My parents have pointed out that I need to move on and focus on my goals instead of this whole dirty urine mess. That was just the swift kick in the butt I needed to wake up and get back on track. Now I'm really starting to see that this was all just one big wake up call, helping me to realize that maybe I'm not as prepared for my release as I once thought I was. I was too busy concentrating all my efforts on my own decisions in life, completely forgetting about the cold fact that unexpected problems in life occur all the time, we have to learn how to deal with them and keep moving forward without being stopped. Most of the problems throughout my lifetime have been self-inflicted, so I guess I figured that all I had to do was stop causing problems and life would be just fine. God truly gave me the wakeup call I needed to further prepare for my future success upon release. I think I finally found the silver lining in all of this. Now I'm back to a strict daily routine of fitness, yoga, spiritual reading, studying and writing. I just have to find some more things to do with my downtime, I used to practice guitar, draw and carve soap, but my guitar and art supplies have been taken as punishment. At least I can still draw, all I need is a pencil and paper and of course I have both. Back in the saddle again, tweaking my goals in preparation for the reality of life in society. # LESSONS FROM PRISON
Steven Dybvad
