November 12, 2014
With many of the drug users all piled into one unit it's not surprising to see how often people are getting caught with drugs and/or using them. When I was living in my previous unit, every once in a while I would smell pot smoke wafting down the hall, or see someone get hauled off in handcuffs for getting caught in the act of using drugs, but in here it seems like nearly every day I'm smelling smoke, or seeing someone going to the hole. On one hand, from the view of an addict I can see why inmates continue to use drugs in here, simply because they're caught in the grips of addiction and they can't stop, but on the other hand it blows my mind to see so many people risk such a severe consequence for such a little reward. The punishment for a second positive drug screen or getting caught in the act is more than twice the punishment as the first time. A second offense results in one month in the hole and six more months of cell isolation on top of the original three months for the first offense. That's nearly an entire year's worth of punishment. There was a time not too many years ago when nothing would stop me from using drugs, not even a year of punishment. Heck I'm serving five years for crimes committed in an attempt to get more drugs. When I really sit back and think about it I can see my growth in recovery and how I've come so far in my efforts to create a better life and future. I can no longer see the value in using substances, in fact now when I think of using drugs I can only see pain, not just pain for me but pain for everyone in my life and that scares me to death. Much of why it's so hard for me to accept this wrongful punishment which has painted a picture for others that I'm actively using substances. It's so hard for me to accept this because I've spent the last several years hell-bent on conquering this deadly disease of addiction, taking every possible step to avoid interactions with other people involved in such activities, living my life as an open book on the internet, yet mimicking that of a hermit here in prison, minimizing my exposure to the corrupt underworld of prison life. So many countless yet calculated moves I've made in here as a convicted felon, recovering from addiction in prison, like a game of chess and still somehow Madison cheated, finding a way to put me in check. I only hope and pray that this doesn't happen to me again. I just thank God that my cell isn't one of these other idiots trying to smoke pot in the cell.
Steven Dybvad
