November 27, 2014
Happy Thanks Giving Everybody! I hope and pray that you all and your families indulge in the laughter and love that goes hand in hand with this Thanks Giving Day. Like most people, I too love the holidays. Over the years the holidays have gotten worse for me, being a drug addict I often missed out on attending Thanks Giving and Christmas with my family, either because I was strung out on some kind of binge, or in jail, or I just knew that I would ruin the occasion for everyone else. Other times, when I did attend the family get together I would sense how uncomfortable I was making the rest of the family, causing others to wonder if I was high, or if I was going to steal their wallets or purses. This is a horrible feeling to get from my loved ones, knowing that I alone created such an atmosphere, even now my stomach turns as I think about what I'm writing. Often these kinds of thoughts and emotions are some of the hopeless feelings that made me believe life could never go back to the way it was before my addiction, causing me to use even more, trying to bury the memories and the realities of my demise. I continue to love everything about the holiday season, only now it comes with a deep sense of depression, a reminder of my wicked past. I know that this will get better with time, especially after my release from this god awful prison, as the years go by my family will begin to see that I've changed my life around permanently, they'll see that with substances absent from my life I do in fact have a big, loving heart and I care deeply about others. This could very possibly be my last Thanks Giving away from my family, at the most I could miss out on just one more after this, then never again will I be absent from sharing in the laughter and love that goes hand in hand when spending holidays with my family.
Steven Dybvad
