SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2008
My Journal From Federal Prison
I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm unable to accept everything about prison. I truly believed seven-plus months into my confinement that my loneliness would dissipate as the pages on the calendar turned, bringing me closer to home. I still scream (inwardly) while continuing to adjust to the realities of being here. I miss my family, my home and my freedom. I miss sharing quality time with my older brother, Todd. Prior to my confinement, and despite our hectic schedules, we always found time to be together. I'm excited to resume our early Saturday morning breakfast routine.
Since self-surrendering back in April, I've consistently contributed to a personal journal highlighting my prison camp experience. I've documented enough experiences to ascertain my thoughts and feelings at any given moment. I'll frequently scan the journal to revisit the successful steps I employed to power through the tough days. As I reviewed past entries (after getting around the scribble, swearing and illegible handwriting), I recognized that despite my occasional volatile mood swings, I've developed routines that are making me feel productive while bringing meaning back to my life.
Writing helps me figure out where I'd fallen off track, while taking corrective action. Writing about family, my prison term, childhood and baseball career reminds me of the virtues that once embodied my life. Good character and ethics means loyalty, integrity , discipline, honesty and a sense of balance. Those virtues contributed heavily to my life, a life that had real purpose and meaning. I'm eager to return home to start again. I'll do better this time around and will not fail.
I value the lessons I've learned during my stay at Taft. Prior to my prison term, I never found time to maintain a journal. Regardless of my reasons for not writing in the past, now I know that writing daily, if only a few words, is as essential as anything I do at Taft. I encourage anyone who anticipates a stay in a federal prison camp to do the same.
Justin Paperny
