September 20, 2014

Earlier in the week I wrote about my seasonal affective disorder, but it was unfortunately erased by jpay due to some technical glitch in the system. Every year around this time, when the season starts to change, the average temperature starts getting colder and the sun doesn’t shine as long, my dysthymic depression sets in. Much like the plants and trees are affected, starting to change, going dormant this time of year due to photoperiodism, so do I. My chemical makeup causes me to feel down, tired, unmotivated, wanting only to sleep and disconnect myself from the world around me. I hoped and prayed that I wouldn’t be affected this time around because I’ve worked so hard to strengthen my mind and body in every capacity, preparing myself for this, but I was wrong, this disorder is strong and powerful, much like the disease of addiction and alcoholism. Much like addiction, I refuse to be defeated by this disorder. Before I go any further I need to make it clear that I’ve already come a long way from the life I was once living, giving in to every poor thought or feeling, allowing the chemicals to take control of my life. I am nowhere near as affected right now than when I used to be, my healthy choices in food, fitness, education and daily spiritual practices have strengthened my mind tenfold. Today I continue to adhere to a strict daily routine that’s beneficial to my future; it’s just a little harder right now. I have to give myself a kick in the rear to get going each morning, but after I complete my goals I feel much better. Maybe the doctors were right; maybe I do need to be on some kind of medication to stabilize this chemical imbalance. For now I’ll keep trying to conquer this pesky disorder through education, fitness, food choices, yoga, prayer and meditation instead of medication.


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