While doing my walk this morning I was struck by the thought that in here emotions and feelings are guarded and dulled by the prison experience. I say this because I am finding that I continually find myself thinking a nd feeling a certain way but keeping what I feel to my self completely. This has not been easy for me, I am not the kind of person who has ever really kept what I feel and what I think to myself. I have always been a person who I felt was transparent, wearing my feelings on my sleeve and easily sharing the feelings with the people around me. It is not so here at Camp Fed. I learned very quickly that the only one interested in what I am feeling is me. I also learned that nobody gives a hoot of my opinion rother, in fact it's not good etiquette to share opinions in here. This is all part of the isolation that many of us feel in here. It's funny that in the midst of 400+ men you can feel isolated and alone, but you do. All the more reason for contact with loved ones and friends on the outside, they are the force that helps keep us grounded and feeling like we are part of the world, we are cared about and we do matter and are not isolated. Thankfully I do have a good support system outside of here that does stay in touch and gives me the feedback and interaction I need and crave, I'm one of the lucky ones.
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Heavy to say the least. I’ve never been too material. I guess my take is balance. If one is a little too motivated by material things might get out of whack.But its never simple because we all have the dynamics of others who influence life and our decisions. Let’s just call it finding the correct balance that fits our life as we know it. You matter and are missed but as they say -THIS TOO SHALL END.Hang tight!