Father's Guilt
As I said before, there is a tremendous amount of guilt and shame associated with being a felon. It affects your thinking and causes you to act in an irrational manner at times. I have been putting off calling my son who is back in college because I fear He is still upset with Me because of my poor choices. I have no idea why I still feel this way as we have had numerous conversations in the past and it does appear that He has forgiven me for all of the harm I have caused. However, forgiving someone does not mean that you forgot the reason you had to forgive them in the first place! I worry each time He suffers an inconvenience related to my actions that He curses my name. This is an absurd situation to be in. This is the child I taught how to ride a bike, play baseball and sail. This is the child I read a book to every night for the first 10 years of his life. This is the child that I love and worry about every day. Just because I am in prison does not mean that I am not his father. It is my responsibility to continue to be his father.
Ken Flaska
p.s. I just got off the phone with him. We had a wonderful conversation. I have to find a way to bury the guilt.
