Thursday, March 26, 2009
Fifty-Four Days Until My Release From Taft Federal Prison Camp
This short-term-itis is really affecting me. I notice it most during the evenings. I crawl onto my steel rack rather early, as I always have. During the entire time I've been at Taft, I've always been ready to sleep long before the nine o'clock hour. As I move closer to my exit date, thoughts collide in my mind that make early sleep an impossibility. I'd like to exercise more control over when I sleep, but these powerful feelings of anticipation overwhelm.
As I've mentioned in previous journal entries, for the past month or so I've been walking around the track for a mile or so in the early evening. That has been a useful time to gather and collect my thoughts. I still return to the housing unit well before seven with intentions of sleeping early. Despite lying down at 7:30, 8:00, or 8:15, sleep does not come until well past 11:00 and sometimes I lie there until midnight. It's not the bright lights above my head or the noise, as I wear shades over my eyes and ear plugs block the conversations. What I cannot block out are the incessant plans churning inside my head. I'm thinking about the new career that I'm about to embark upon, and the public life I intend to live.
Some prisoners are eager to run from their past. Once they leave prison, they want to resume life as it was once lived and ignore that they were ever inside the complications of this system. That won't be the case with me. I embrace the lessons I've learned from prison, and I intend to build a career that describes the bad decisions that led me inside these boundaries.
Our country is advancing through a transition period, and I know that millions of families struggle through the change. Huge foreclosure rates, unemployment, downsizing, and other economic challenges lead to surging stress levels. The strategies that have guided me through prison would translate well into helping others cope with the crises in their own lives. I intend to devote my future to helping others thrive through adversity. I feel strongly that the lessons from prison that I have to offer will help others reach their highest potential.
I will be one with them. When I leave prison, I know that I will walk into challenges. I have a negative net worth, and a prison record. Yet the lessons I have learned give me a confidence that was missing from my life before. The saying tells us that what doesn't kill a man makes him stronger holds true. I am stronger than ever, even if my rapidly approaching release date brings an eager anticipation that encroaches upon my sleep.
