July 18, 2015
After 4 1/2 long years if incarceration, being so close to my possible release has generated a lot of new emotions. Some are welcome and some are not. Even with all that’s going on in my life, the new anticipated changes that are just around the corner, I’m surprizingly unaffected by everything in the sense that my day to day goals are still being met without difficulty. I’m extremely dedicated when it comes to health and fittness. I’m always watching the food I consume and I never miss a day of running, push ups, pull ups, crunches and so much more. My dedication has allowed me to look at my body and be very proud of the hard work I put forth each day. I may not be ripped like the movie stars for lack of food, nutrient and supplement options, but I do have six pack abs, muscles I’ve never seen on my body before, stamina, etc. I realise that I’ll never be able to work out as much after my release. Responsibilities like employment and parenthood will take the forfront. But I’m absolutely certain that I will continue to carve out enough time everyday to do things like work out and recenter my thoughts through spiritual reading, prayer and meditation. Continuing to reevaluate my goals, reaching them and creating new ones will always remain a necessary factor for a successful life in society. Keeping a healthy balance of time spent with children and family, active with many hobbies and a variety of other sober activities that will enrich the quality of my life. During my past incarcerations or times spent away at some treatment center, I would sit and think about how I could go back to the same drug fueled life I was living before and this time do it successfully. I used to think, ‘well maybe this time I could just use narcotics perscribed by the doctor, or just stick to smoking weed and everything will be alright.’ That was the true definition of insanity, doing the same thing, over and over, expecting different results. Heck, maybe this time I could get different results. Results like ten or twenty years in prison, or maybe life for causing the death of another, or the death of myself. I have no misconceptions about what I need to do in order to secure a successful future as a contributing member of society, a loving supportive father to my children and a positive member of my family that everyone will enjoy being around. It’s going to be a lot of really hard work to get my life and family back. I have no doubt it will take many years for people to trust me. Some may never trust me. Not many great things in life are easily achieved, the hard decisions to make are best decisions. They enable us to learn and grow. This is a new path for me. I’ve had to make countless difficult decisions here in prison over the last 4 1/2 years, each one of them made me stronger and helped me to realize how important it is to make the right decisions and how lasting and fulfilling the benefits of each decision made can be. I can’t wait to get out of here and finally consider myself a real man…..