____I’m thoroughly convinced that the prison has placed a hold on all of my emails. I’m sure that this is connected to my writings about the maggots in the chow hall. My friend, who also wrote about the maggots in our food had his emails on hold for a while also, until a few days ago when they sent him all of his emails that had piled up, which was coincidently dated all the way back to the day after he wrote about said incident. Of course I’m only making uninformed assumptions at this point, but the last time I received any emails of my own was the day before I sent out my blog about the maggots and I’m not even sure if that email ever made it home. I continue to be amazed at the lengths this prison will go to in order to cover up their misconducts. Like I said, I could very well be wrong about this, making false accusations, yet I’m also sure that I wouldn’t feel this way if I hadn’t seen cover ups of wrong doings before, much like the beating of an inmate that I wrote about not too long ago.
____I have another test in horticulture class tomorrow. At this rate it seems to be every two weeks that we’ll continue with these tests as we go through the chapters of our study books. My goal is to ace every single test, always prepared as a direct result of studying as well as paying attention to every word spoken by my teacher and writing down notes in reference to every detail. Not only to I find it extremely important to learn this for reasons of job security once I’m released from prison, but more importantly I need to do this for myself, I need to prove to myself that I can be successful in learning if I just apply myself, because I never gave myself the opportunity as a kid, clowning around in high school, getting stoned, sleeping through class or just skipping it all together. I never even tried to pass any tests, except for my G.E.D. test after being expelled from school my final time, realizing I needed some kind of diploma in order to get a decent paying job. If I could only do it all over again, but I can’t, there’s no benefit in dwelling on that. All I can do is give all I’ve got with what I have in front of me and what I have is horticulture, health, fitness, sobriety, my writing, my book and my goals for a successful future in all aspects of my life and the lives of my children. As for now, I have a test to study for.
____Just a few days ago there was live news coverage unfolding about a major drug bust at the prison, London which is directly across the street from me, in fact I can see London Correctional from outside of my cell window. As I’m watching the news, I could see live video of the prison from a helicopter, so my celly, Kurt and I both look out the window and spot the helicopter. This was no small time drug bust from inside the prison; it was a lengthy investigation, including the F.B.I., confidential informants, phone taps, and the whole nine yards. The law enforcement members recovered a total of 37 pounds of heroin and if I remember correctly, 15 or so pounds of cocaine. The inmate drug dealers were placing orders over the phone in codes that involved using different football team names for different drugs. They said this was an organization of people from the west coast, shipping the drugs out here through a number of people involved, mostly gang members. What they failed to mention however is how the large quantities were being smuggled inside the prison. The only way large quantities of anything get smuggled into prion is from the guards, but there’s no mention of any guards in the news report. Maybe they’re still trying to figure that part out, if so I’m sure it won’t be long before they get busted too.
____I had yet another amazing visit with my mother and my son yesterday. We just sat around, eating food from the vending machines, talking, laughing, and watching Taylor amuse us both with his naturally silly behaviors and funny faces. Taylor had a big sugary fruit drink, got a little wired, then snuggled up in my lap, flopped around a bit to get comfortable and crashed, fast to sleep for the duration of our visit. As Taylor slept in my arms, melting my heart, enabling my mother and I to have more of an adult conversation, about life, family, health, future, etc., etc. As our visitation time came to an end, it was nearly impossible to wake Taylor from his slumber and by the time he was being pulled by his hand from Nana he realized he didn’t get to properly say his goodbyes to me, running back into my arms, nearly getting me in trouble by the guards, but surely I didn’t care about that, only my precious little boy. I sit here realizing that next year when I’m released
Taylor will be ten years old, that’s half of his entire life that I will have been in prison, absent from his life as well as my daughter, Caitlin who’s life I’ve missed a great deal more of as an active addict. All these harsh facts can be a bit overwhelming at times, taking a toile on my heart and sober soul. What makes everything better each day is knowing that my life is moving in the right direction, my future success in life and sobriety for myself and family becomes more secure and solidifies with each passing day.
____Not too long ago I heard another inmate talk about a foundation in California that certifies men and woman in the practice of yoga through correspondence courses. So I took it upon myself to gather the information and sign up for courses. I was told that I can take the classes at my own speed, giving me plenty of time to focus on the more important class of horticulture which comes first in my life right now. I still have no idea where my skills and knowledge will take me in my future profession; all I do know is that this is one more skill to add to my repertoire, thus making myself more valuable in the workforce. Speaking of horticulture, I aced my last test again! More proof to myself that I can reach any goal in life I set for myself, just so long as I work hard.