December 07, 2014
Yesterday I watched the skiing and snowboarding competition on television, noticing that it was being held at Beavercreek in Vail Colorado where I’ve been skiing with my family a few times, many years ago. Since then my family has been back to Vail on ski vacations several times over the years, but it was without me, not because I didn’t want to go, but because I couldn’t go. My addiction to substances over the years has caused so much destruction that it’s amazing I’m even still alive, everything in my path, everything I touched would turn to dust, I was a walking plague, I scared everybody that would come into contact with me. As an addict I was unable to keep a job, unable to pay bills or rent on a home, I couldn’t keep a valid license or a car, I was a horrible mess, incapable of supporting myself let alone my two wonderful children, one can only imagine why I haven’t been on vacation with my family in such a long time. I haven’t even been able to attend family get together at my parents own cabin in Tennessee but once about 7 or 8 years ago and even that was uncomfortable because of the atmosphere that my mere presence created. I hated myself for the pain and discomfort I created, causing me to use even more substances as often as possible in order to forget about the life I created for myself, my children and the rest of my family. For years I thought it was too late for me, I thought I could never get back the life I once had before my addiction, but now I see life so differently, I know now that it’s not too late. I’m finally able to forgive myself, to think clearly and plan for a successful future, one that’s filled with love and trust, enabling me to enjoy holidays and vacations with all of my family members, making them feel comfortable enough to finally enjoy my company once again, understanding and trusting that my life of addiction and destruction is permanently just a memory of my painful past.