Is It Time for Christmas?
Yes, I know it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. In my previous life, I used to be the "Christmas Music Nazi" insisting that Kenny had to wait until after Thanksgiving every year to get out his 200+ Christmas CDs and start playing them (Kenny would play Christmas music all year long if allowed!). With the holidays coming up, I have been wondering how I would deal with them. Should I ignore them? Should I embrace them? I still don't know what the answer will be but I decided this morning to throw out the Christmas Music Rule; I downloaded my favorite Christmas album onto my JPay device: "A Christmas Portrait" by the Carpenters.
Now this may not strike you as a particularly brave thing to do but trust me, it is. Not only is this my favorite Christmas CD but it is also Kenny's favorite. It's the one we play while we decorate the tree and the one we play more than any other during the holidays. And "Merry Christmas Darling" is our song; we have played it every Christmas Eve for 30 years. When it comes to a Christmas song, there is no one better than Miss Karen.
So I took my JPay device out for a walk this morning and started playing "A Christmas Portrait." Have you ever felt incredibly sad and incredibly happy at the same time? I have listened to this album hundreds of times but I think this was the first time I have listened to it without Kenny close by. So that was unbelievably sad and tears were flowing for sure. On the other hand, it reminded me how incredibly grateful I am for this person with whom I have these great traditions and that these are all waiting for me when I come home. We even have our favorite "notes" from the album. When Karen sings the first note of "Frosted window panes..." from The Christmas Waltz and the last note of "Alleluia" from Christ Is Born. Pure magic - truly. Gives me goose bumps every time.
Had the holidays come up in the first few months of my stay here, I don't think I would have done this. I wasn't ready for that level of emotion. It probably seems like some of my more recent posts have been more "down" than "up." It may seem odd but that is actually a good thing. When I first got here, I was focused on being relentlessly positive. Fortunately, this is a natural tendency for me but I admit it was also a coping mechanism. I also felt it was what all my friends and family "expected" of me (David is strong - he can handle it!). And I didn't want to get too caught up in the sad emotions because I was afraid I would spiral down. But I am at the point now where I am comfortable with experiencing both the full highs and lows. So don't worry about me! I am still positive the vast majority of the time but now I am OK with allowing the sad feelings to be fully felt along with the really happy ones. It's all part of living life to the fullest.
Before I close, a few shout outs!
First, congratulations to everyone at Glaukos for an AWESOME third quarter. You guys rock!
Second, thanks to all the wonderful people who have kept me stocked up on fantastic books to read: Gala Struthers and Marion Kessler (two each!!!), Richard O'Connell, Maureen O'Connell (no relation to Richard), Marcie Heitzmann and Bart Kessler (married to Marion!). SO very appreciated. I have read over 70 books since I got here!
And finally, to all the inmate spouses who follow my blog. It's harder on you than it is on us and we appreciate everything you do for us to keep everything going while we are here. In particular, "hi" to Lori H from Huntington Beach! Kevin is a great guy and always has a smile and something kind to say.
David
