I’m dying on Sunday, would you like to come to my party on Saturday?
I have three days left until I am scheduled to self-surrender to a Federal prison in Texas and everyone around me is acting kinda strange; they don’t know what to say. They look at me and start crying or say “see ya later” only to recoil with the thought of what just passed their lips. Just like most people are uncomfortable when it comes to dealing with death and dying, they are seemingly more uncomfortable saying goodbye to someone before they go to prison, I relate it to going to someone’s memorial service before they die… weird! Is it the fact that they will remain free and I will be confined? Is it the fact they will not see me for many years? I’m not sure what it is but I know I have seen this same reaction at funerals. Not knowing what to say to survivors, or not knowing how to act around the wife and children of a dead father. I can understand the awkwardness; most people in our culture are not hardwired to deal with pain and suffering especially if it does not affect them directly. So to everyone reading this, I can say with certainty that I will in fact “see ya later” and I understand the awkwardness and I’m okay with it. I’m not dying! In fact I will come out on the other side of this experience more physically and mentally fit than at any other time in my life. I will work everyday to grow my amazing relationship with my wife and daughters, and I will work to make everyone in my support network proud of me. Take it from me; life is too short to be worried about what I am thinking! Its okay to laugh around me, (or about me) it’s okay to cry too. I get it. Please keep me in your thoughts as I will of you and stop by and say hi to my family, they are the ones who really need the support.