I’m dying on Sunday, would you like to come to my party on Saturday?
I have three days left until I am scheduled to self-surrender to a Federal prison in Texas and everyone around me is acting kinda strange; they don’t know what to say. They look at me and start crying or say “see ya later” only to recoil with the thought of what just passed their lips. Just like most people are uncomfortable when it comes to dealing with death and dying, they are seemingly more uncomfortable saying goodbye to someone before they go to prison, I relate it to going to someone’s memorial service before they die… weird! Is it the fact that they will remain free and I will be confined? Is it the fact they will not see me for many years? I’m not sure what it is but I know I have seen this same reaction at funerals. Not knowing what to say to survivors, or not knowing how to act around the wife and children of a dead father. I can understand the awkwardness; most people in our culture are not hardwired to deal with pain and suffering especially if it does not affect them directly. So to everyone reading this, I can say with certainty that I will in fact “see ya later” and I understand the awkwardness and I’m okay with it. I’m not dying! In fact I will come out on the other side of this experience more physically and mentally fit than at any other time in my life. I will work everyday to grow my amazing relationship with my wife and daughters, and I will work to make everyone in my support network proud of me. Take it from me; life is too short to be worried about what I am thinking! Its okay to laugh around me, (or about me) it’s okay to cry too. I get it. Please keep me in your thoughts as I will of you and stop by and say hi to my family, they are the ones who really need the support.
You HAVE to hang in there Steve. Sam and the girls need you and I do too, You are my brother. YOU KICK BUTT and take names as you go. We all love you way beyond the time you will be gone. Just hang on. We really will wait. We love you.
Minto
You are my bother and I love you, Forever. We will not count the time you are gone. We will count the time we will have again. Soon. Jack and I left 10 years ago for the East Coast and I SO do not love all of you guys less over this time. We can do this, Steve. We can do this.
All my heart,
Minto
Hang in there Steve. You are approaching this with an amazing attitude. We are behind you. You will succeed.
Steve – Dawna and I think about you guys everyday and we will miss seeing you guys. We look forward to hanging with you guys soon. Were with you and we will stay in touch through this!
Well, I guess you’ve reached your goal, because you’ve reached at least one person. Anything can happen to anyone, and just reading this explains exactly how I felt seeing you at your home and giving you a hug after never really getting to know the husband of my dear dear friend. Seeing your amazing daughters was a plus, too. Not worried about Sam – she’s tough. She cut her hair in grade school when my parents made me cut mine. I do need to know more about the food there, though. I imagine that’s on the list of posts? And toilet paper. Under, or over? xoxox
matina