February 5, 2014
One month down! In the weeks since my last post a few things have changed for me. I joined an exercise group that works out five days a week, sometimes even twice a day. There are about fifteen other guys in the group, which is led by the two other inmates.
I was assigned a job in the kitchen washing dishes and just completed my second day.
In an effort to help me hold myself accountable to my goals, I will share my progress with you. As you read in my previous blog I set a goal to read four books a month. I finished the month with twelve books. I have shown my commitment to fitness by joining the exercise group. And with this third blog I achieve my goal in keeping my network up to date on my progress.
For my main topic of today’s blog I would like to talk to you about “Letting Go”. I’m sure you all know that it is easier said than done. Leading up to my surrender I was forced to let go of a few material possessions; the largest, most important, being my home in San Diego which is now up for sale. But the hardest thing to let go of was my dogs; even more so than my freedom itself.
In the time since my surrender I have done a lot of observing and listening to everyone around me. I have learned that the process of letting go continues inside these walls as well. First and foremost, we must learn to let go of almost everything we had control over before we arrived here. The only thing we do have control over is our physical and mental well being. I feel that for many men, the loss of control over things outside of these walls has led them to loose control of their own well being.
There are many ways to prepare yourself and your family for imprisonment if give the time. Fortunately I was able to do so with the prison advice my good friend Justin provided my family and me. No matter how much you prepare you will be faced with things over time that there are no ways to prepare for. One of the few good friends I have here spoke to his wife and she had to inform him that their dog died the night before. I felt terrible for him because he had no control over the situation and limited phone minutes to even be able to console his family.
It is these kinds of things, as well as many others, that there is simply no way to prepare for. It is my hope that with these blogs I can offer families, friends and loved ones of people in prison some insight into the feeling we all experience. Quite possibly the worst part about being here is the feeling of helplessness inmates feel knowing they can do nothing to help their families.
As always, I thank you all for your time, support and trust. More updates will be coming soon.