April 27, 2015
Recovery Begins Now
Its 7:30am on the morning before I leave my family for prison. This is where my blog begins. I have never been this sad, sorry or afraid but I am praying continuously that the waves will calm as they approach. Everything that we can think of doing to prepare as a family has been done. The checklist is complete, but I do not want to go. Tomorrow, fifteen months of debilitating emotional exhaustion will transform from the unknown into a new normal for the next 63 months. My prison designation is MCKEAN, which is the closest facility to my family in Jamestown, NY. Learning this news a few days ago felt like a victory, and in fact it is a blessing.
If there is a story, there is a storyteller, and I will use this blog to share my experience to remain connected and hopefully provide some useful or interesting perspective that may help others. The goals I have established for myself to ensure that something positive comes from this experience focus on thriving through this journey to functionally emerge as a person who makes those whom I have hurt proud of the ultimate outcome. The nose dive from these past fifteen months has finally leveled off at an altitude prior to impacting the ground. We are going to be ok. The word remorse does not fully describe how I feel about my decisions that got me here and I hate what I did, but it does not control what I am about to accomplish.
In 1994 I made my first landing as a pilot at the controls of a jet airplane. That landing did not occur, however, until after I had made my first go-around because of an unstable approach. Randy, my instructor, calmly told me “its all in the recovery” as we lined-up for the runway the second time. Recovery begins now.
when something like this happens in life , you have three options 1. Let it DEFINE you 2. Let it DESTROY you or 3. Allow it to STRENGTHEN you…
Hi Kevin! This blog seems like such a helpful tool to help you process this time in prison. Thanks for sharing your ideas.
Your words about recognizing that you need to think about WHY you did your crime are really powerful. This, I believe, is one of the deep order questions. It’s really a theological question. Why do we (all of us) occasionally choose to do wrong? What is it about human beings, who are made in the image of God, that we still choose a path of rebellion and decide to do things our own way? How is it that I think I have a better idea of what will make me happy than God’s idea?
Coming face to face with our own sin is something that all serious Christians must do. Unless I understand just how rebellious I am towards God, I will never fully understand how incredible God’s grace is towards me. I will never get just how good the Good News really is.
I am praying for you, Kevin. Your letter to us was great and connecting with your wife was really meaningful.
Blessings, brother!
Pastor Bill