SICK AND TIRED OF PRISON.
The prison roller coaster took a sharp dip down this week. All of the little things that irritate me in prison suddenly, inexplicably, became bigger things. The broken hot water tap in the dorm kitchen where I make my coffee has frustrated me. The 2 guys who snore in my pod sound like chainsaws. At work, I am the guy who seems to be getting all of the difficult jobs. When I try to call family or friends, I seem to be calling when they are not available. (I cannot leave a message!). I am sick of waiting in long lines to eat and use the telephone. The screaming prisoners are now getting on my nerves. The prison medical staff told me that there is nothing else they will do to repair my finger. (I have to live with the impairment). Time seems to be moving very slowly. Blah, Blah, Blah!
What is going on? Things were ok last week. The answer is I am going through one of my self pity modes that come and go for no particular reason. To escape this state of mind, I have to focus on the positive things in my life. I am healthy. I still have my wife and my son. I still have many friends who support me. I am much better off than a number of my fellow prisoners. Basically, I have to have some gratitude for where I am in life. Things could be much worse. Also, I have to remind myself that I am solely responsible for my current situation.
A little bit of gratitude with a dose of responsibility seems to snap me out of my self pity mode and allows me to accept my situation and move forward, one day at a time. It is a daily challenge in prison to remain focused on the big picture and to accept the difficulties that necessarily flow from a federal prison sentence.
As Churchill once said, ‘If you are going through Hell, just keep going!”
Still going in Pensacola.