July 25, 2014 – Sleepless in Seattle
Last night was difficult. Thankfully, there haven’t been many sleepless nights during this ordeal. But unfortunately last night was one of them. I tossed and turned all night because I knew that today, July 25, my friend and co-defendant was being sentenced in federal court. I thought a lot about him last night and prayed for him. This was not entirely altruistic given the fact I knew his sentencing would impact mine in a couple weeks. But still, I could easily imagine and understand all of the emotions that he must be facing.
My lawyer called me a few hours ago with the news; my friend had been sentenced to 18 months in federal prison. This was the base case and what I expected, although I had hoped for a much more lenient outcome. I’m sure today was a very difficult day for him and unlike 99% of the people out there today, I can completely relate with him and sympathize.
I don’t know how he’s reacting and I am hopeful that he is taking things in stride. I can’t predict how I will react on my day, August 8, but time will soon tell. One mantra that I have been telling myself during this time of ambiguity has been: “Do not let the fear of tomorrow rob you of the joy of today.”
That’s not just positive psychology mumbo jumbo. It’s a disciplined mindset that acknowledges one cannot live in the past or the future; all any of us have is the present. I’ve tried very hard not to dwell on my mistake. I don’t see the point in beating myself over something I cannot change. I’ve also attempted to not be paralyzed with anxiety or start “future tripping”. This is just counterproductive and destructive. I can only move forward, vow to use this experience to better myself and to help others. Let’s also throw in there a vow to not have too many more sleepless nights…