I was thinking about my next "Best of Buddhism" post when I came across a fantastic article in the September 27 edition of the New York Times entitled, "Stop Googling, Let's Talk" by Sherry Turkle, http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/opinion/sunday/stop-googling-lets-talk.html?_r=0. This article is focused on research that shows how our smart phones, tablets and other devices have resulted in a decline in real conversations as well as our ability to be able to spend time alone. The article cited research indicating that nearly 90% of us admitted to using our phones during our last social gathering. Also that the mere presence of a phone within sight had a negative effect on the quality of conversation and a led to a focus on lighter topics from which the participants would not mind being interrupted. In general, devices interfere with our ability to listen, to engage and to be empathetic.
So what does this have to do with Buddhism? Well, let me enlighten you! 🙂 One of the core principles of Buddhist psychology according to Jack Kornfield ("The Wise Heart") is that compassion is our deepest nature and that it stems from our interconnectedness with all things. In my experience, one of the most compassionate things you can do is to have a conversation with someone where you give them your full attention and are empathetic to what that person is saying. It is only in these situations where we can have the courage to be truly vulnerable and be unafraid to love. How can we do this if we are constantly checking our devices or even thinking about checking our devices? Prior to checking in here at Taft, I was just as guilty as everyone else when it came to my iPhone. I always had it on the table at restaurants or sitting nearby at home. In retrospect, I absolutely think it got in the way of having real conversations. Sometimes I was more interested in how many "likes" I had on my latest Facebook post than what the people I was with were saying. I am definitely not proud of that!
One of the greatest gifts about being here at Taft is that I do not have the distraction of devices. No smart phones, no tablets, no laptops, no nothing! When people come to visit me, they have to leave their devices in the car before they come into the visitation room. Because of this, I have had some of the best conversations these past few months that I have ever had with people I love. And when I get out, my new rule is going to be that my devices will be left behind or stay out of sight whenever I get together with friends or family. When we compassionately listen to someone else, we learn and reduce our ignorance.
The article by Ms. Turkle also notes that devices get in the way of spending quality time alone. That's right -- just sitting and being and considering what is going on in your mind, your heart and your life! This also brings to mind Buddhist principles. In order to truly have compassion for others, it helps to first have compassion for yourself. This is something that really speaks to me. We probably all beat ourselves up to a certain extent but we need to let shame and self-hatred go if we are to lead the best lives we can. How can we do this if we rarely spend time alone to reflect? This lack of self reflection was a huge problem for me prior to embarking on my journey and contributed to many of the actions I have taken in my life that I am not proud of. Fortunately, I have a lot of time to be alone and reflect here and I am taking full advantage of that! And it is also my intention to continue to set aside time to reflect once I return to the crazy outside world (which can't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned!).
I'll leave it there and hope you have a wonderful, truly present, conversation this week!
David
