Next phase of the journey
August 15, 2017
I think I’m done. I hope I am; with testifying, with ArthroCare, with reliving the past. I also thought I was done last time, in 2014. But I wasn’t. So instead of relieved, I am mostly ambivalent. I wasn’t scheduled to testify until this week. Last Thursday, the 10th, an officer came to my door at noon and said, “You’re going to Court, now.” I thought I was going in for an evening prep session. When I arrived, they told me I was going on the stand – that afternoon. OK! Direct questioning was completed that day and I was told I’d be back on Monday morning for cross examination.
A few days before my court appearance, I put in a request for a haircut. I wanted to be presentable and I have not had a haircut since mid-June. A couple days later, an officer came by and asked if I wanted a haircut. I said, “Yes!” He said, “OK, I’ll got get the clippers!” I said, “You’re kidding, right?” He said, “No, we don’t have any barbers right now and even if we did, inmates in this wing would not have access.” I just started laughing. How absurd. First, my “mirror” (a metal sheet) is so scuffed up, I can barely make out my reflection. Second, even if I could see, I would never try and cut my own hair! On Sunday – the day before my second court appearance – it got better. I hadn’t shaved since Friday morning – razor days are M/W/F – so I asked for a razor, and explained why. He said, “you can have one tomorrow morning.” “But I will be leaving for Court first thing in the morning.” “Uh-huh.” OK then, the “homeless” look it is: long hair and 3 days of grey stubble!”
I also put in a request for delivery of 3 more paperbacks; from my personal property – I am only allowed a certain number at a time. I turned in 4 I had finished reading to the Book Cart on Saturday so others court read them. An officer came by on Sunday saying she had the 3 new books but I needed to exchange them for 3 in my possession. I told her I already turned them in and she said she had to verify that. Ugh! I told her to ask the officer I gave them to and then left it to the gods. So I went to bed early on Sunday so I would be fresh for my “cross” on Monday. Shortly after midnight, an officer opens my door, wakes me and and tells me she is trying to track down the books I’d turned in and asks if I remember the titles? Seriously? Since I was awake, I got up and looked at the list of books I had received and gave her the titles. I was too stunned to do anything else. One was “Camino Island.” She said, “Can you spell Camino?” I said, “It means street in Spanish” and smiled. I thanked her and kindly asked her to hold off delivering the books in the the morning since I had Court in the morning and needed my sleep…..
I have several other stories like this but I think I’ll save them for my book. A lot of your have encouraged me to write a book after I get out. Prior to this trip, I was on the fence, but now? Definitely!
I think I have actually adjusted pretty well to my current environment. For that, I credit the many changes I have made over the past 2+ years in how I approach and respond to the world. Most of these came from the many wonderful books I have read on Buddhism. And many of them were reinforced during the RDAP. But I am also so very grateful for all your love and support. It’s a deep well that I draw from frequently. It brings a smile to my face when it is most needed! Since my last post I have received so many cards and letters; each one a perfect little gift. Thank you to Bart, Marian, Vanessa, Bridgette, Sherri, Audrey, Trish, Dari, Abby, Kathleen, Marcia, Mur, Leslie, Kathy, Dave, Julie, Kurt, Lori, Maureen, Steve and of course my fabulous Mom! I wish I could write all of you back but golf pencils only last so long!
By the time this is posted, I will probably be “in transit” again. Although I have some trepidation about that, at least I know what to expect. I will do my best to deal with “what is” and when I can’t change my circumstances (which generally is a given), I will change my attitude!
Also, by the time this is posted, I will have less than 100 days left in prison. After this, it will be back to radio silence – at least for a while.
Love to you all and keep sending the positive energy and prayers!